Good Grief: the Pole Dancer Doll

Another trashy toy directed at children. (And purchased by, well – who buys this crap!?) Somehow, she doesn't seem out of place at a store like Toys "R" Us. No doubt she's made of toxic materials, too.

So many toxic toys out there, made by children for children (or made by mothers trying to feed their children), offering profits to people with no shame and no taste. She's a poor little soul killer doll.

Toys 'R' Us Groceries: Everything for Parenting "Under One Roof"

In an effort to put "everything [parents] need for their kids under one roof" the giant chain store Toys 'R' Us is planning to open grocery departments ("R" Markets) in the front of over half of its stores, with more rolled out later in the year. Here, from Supermarket News, is the company plan:

The goal of the shop is to position Toys 'R' Us as a one-stop shopping destination for families and kids. Each “R" Market features snacks like chips, puffs and pretzels, cookies and crackers, fruit snacks, cereals and nutrition bars, as well as juice boxes, and bottled water. Paper goods include napkins, paper towels and toilet paper. Baby food and infant formula brands include Gerber Earth’s Best Organic, Similac, Enfamil and Nestlé Good Start.

A dedicated candy section contains chocolate, lollipops, novelties like Pez dispensers, cotton candy, mints, and sour and hard candies, along with a wall of theater candy boxes.

Eeeew. I am trying to imagine the day of a mother with young children, stopping in at the "R" to pick up items for dinner: an even more stressful supermarket scenario than the one described by David Foster Wallace in his Kenyon College Commencement speech. Roll into the huge parking lot, get the kids from their car seats, pile them into a huge grocery cart, and then take them into the friendly Big Box store where you can find every single thing they need, from infancy (all that Similac!) on up – to their very own plastic play kitchens, and beyond. And so very convenient to have that whole wall of blockbuster candy, right there where you need it! At least we've got a boy "cooking" (and chatting on the cell phone) in one of those monstrous plastic kitchens, pictured here.

It's remarkable how out of touch Toys 'R' Us seems to be regarding parenting trends, including concerns about plastic toys, infant formula, and conspicuous consumption. "R" Markets are a half-baked ploy derived from the specious notion that gigantic over-lit warehouse stores can rescue us from time pressures. Hmmm, this mom is not at all convinced: I prefer a much more "roofless" parenting mix.

Pink 'R' Us Grrrrls

As we all know, girls of all ages prefer pink to any other color, from the minute they are born – or before, when they signal to their mothers the need for pink nurseries. So thank goodness we can now get classic board games in pink: from Scrabble to Monopoly to the Ouija board. Gender-specific versions of these games can be found "only at Toys 'R' Us." Mystery Date and LIFE also come in pink editions.

Eeeew, as Summer would say on The O.C. How many points for g-r-o-s-s?

The "Designer's Edition" of Scrabble spells out the words "fashion" (natch) and "fun game" on its cover: "Every word's a winner!" in this perverse beauty contest for words. Here is the official product description:

A timeless classic with a modern makeover, this pink SCRABBLE Deluxe Designer's Edition has style, taste and elegant accessories like a pastel rotating gameboard, pearlescent letter tiles and embroidered fabric pouch. All the fashionable game pieces are designed with a woman in mind, but with the same SCRABBLE challenge you know and love. Just choose 7 of the unique locking letter tiles, and start spelling - this Designer's Edition has a flair for F-U-N! Includes rotating gameboard with textured frame and raised letter grid, molded letter tiles that fit in place, 4 matching tile racks, zippered storage pouch, scorepad, pencil and instructions.

The Monopoly game comes packaged like a jewelry box. Meanwhile, at a more aesthetically progressive Target store, a temporary price cut on "Boys' Toys," also known as the Lego corner.

Thanks to Gwen and Abby over at Sociological Images: Seeing is Believing, where there is an interesting comment thread for this post. As one person observes, the pink Ouija board box looks at first glance like packaging for "feminine hygiene products." And yes, that spinner on the game of LIFE does look like a packet of birth control pills.

Eeeew again. I just found yet another version of pink Scrabble, this time as a "worthy partnership" for the cure for breast cancer. "Every word counts towards breast cancer awareness." I won't even comment on that.

I couldn't recall playing the disturbin' game "Mystery Date" as a kid, so I did a little search and came up with this Special 2008 Election edition of its 1960s television ad. (Kind of ironic that the first door should open to reveal John Edwards.)